Last updated: 12/13/18. [Trigger warning.] Current content: depression, suicide, mental illness, personal posts, nihilism, grunge/goth aesthetic, and sad memes. I mostly listen to metalcore but I recently started getting into black metal bands. I live in NYC. Send me a message, lets be sad & existential together.
ALL "POSITIVE" (yoga, kale, pro-recovery) PEOPLE: FUCK OFF.
I want to get my shit together and turn my life around but I also want to die
Accurate
This is Susan Robinson, one of the last people in the country who can preform late term abortions after the murder of Dr. George Tiller. This is from an awesome documentary called After Tiller, about the last 4 late-term abortion practitioners in the country.
This documentary is so so powerful and also available on Netflix! I highly recommend it
“I am the world’s expert on my own life” I’m going to say that A LOT from here on out
oh my god.
let me share a memory with y’all. it’s from i guess 1978 or thereabouts. it’s high summer. i don’t remember where my mom was driving me, in our avocado green chevette, i just know there was a traffic jam that turned 35w northbound into a parking lot from horizon to horizon.
picture it – wait, you don’t have to use your imagination, this happened all the damn time back then.
every one of those damn cars was burning leaded gasoline. there were no emissions regulations. there were no safety regulations. there were just thousands and thousands of detroit steel shoeboxes belching visible smoke as they idled, engines loud and hot, here and there a radiator giving up in the heat, a cloud of burning oil rising.
i, a smeet of five or six, was choking on toxic smog.
i reckon it was about a half hour into the traffic jam that i first threw up. i remember a blinding headache, i remember being confused, i remember dry heaving with my arms and head hanging out the window, the green metal of the car burning my hands and my chin. i don’t remember passing out, but i’m told i lost consciousness before mom was able to get to an off-ramp, because there were no emergency lanes on the highways back then.
i lived. and life went on. what were we going to do, complain? if i’d died, the cause of death probably would’ve been recorded as heatstroke, not carbon monoxide poisoning.
i know i’m probably preaching to the choir here on tumblr. but i really wish i could tell that story to the people who think deregulation is no big deal. i wish they’d put themselves in my mom’s shoes.
or even just look at some old pictures, then look out the window.
ever notice how cityscapes used to have that orange tint and hazy aura? yeah, that’s poison gas.
remember how the mississippi river used to be a stinking soup of baby-shit yellow sludge covered with disturbingly stiff rafts of light orange foam?
i can’t even find pictures of the sludge and foam, i guess they didn’t end up on the internet. the smell was indescribable. that oily shimmer. the reek of dead things. people didn’t boat on the river for pleasure; it smelled too bad, it was too ugly, and you could get super super sick if you touched the water.
and now look at it.
i still wouldn’t want to drink it, but if i fell in i wouldn’t bolt for the shower in a panic, you know?
if the thieving billionaires get their way, we can kiss those sailboats goodbye, and learn the smell of toxic foam once more. the ultra-rich won’t even feel the extra money, they’ve already got more than they could ever touch, they just stash it in offshore accounts to rot, but the rest of us will return to a time of neverending nausea and weird cancers. a time when every elementary school class had at least one kind who’d been born with no fingers or their heart outside their body, and this was just… the way things were.
i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to longpost. it’s just. god. y’all have no idea how CLEAN everything is now, compared to when i was a kid. and these rich old men are counting on that, on people not knowing or not remembering how bad it was before regulation, not realizing how much we need these protections until it’s too late.
I enforce federal worker health and safety and pollution regulations.
When I was learning my trade, when my classmates and I were having a chuckle over the “well duh” level of specificity written into the Code of Federal Regulations (try “no hazardous material shall be stored in crew berthing” on for size), I will never forget the silence that followed when our instructor spoke these words:
“Your regulations are written in blood.”
These regulations were not written on a whim. They were written because someone thought they could cut costs by storing however many more pounds of a radioactive, toxic, carcinogenic, or whatever else material in the same rooms where the human beings they paid to transport those materials slept, and then did that, because no one was telling them not to.
They were written because people died. Horrifically. Because unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.
Can I say it again, for those not paying attention?
Unregulated capitalism values profit over human life and suffering.
Please note the recalls etc. we’re already seeing with the current US government going after those regulations, and please see Doug Ford up here trying to weaken our water safety regulations again - the last time that happened, under another Conservative government, Walkerton happened and people died. Some died quickly, some lived for years with debilitating illnesses and then died.
Lesson learned: don’t go to Africa.
its nice knowing that i actually do have this disorder and im not just a fucken failure lmao
are straight girls okay
he looks like he’s about to turn into a horse
i’d ride that horse
(Joke)
suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking
It’s a therapist. The word you’re looking for is a therapist.
wrong
The second a therapist thinks you’re even slightly suicidal (ie. Whenever you even say the word suicide) they “pink slip” you, which means you get sent to a mental hospital against your will.
I think about suicide almost every day, but it doesn’t always mean I’m gonna go kill myself.
I just want to say, as someone who has taken courses in ethics and regulations regarding psychology and therapy and has worked at a counseling center for more than five years, THIS SHOULD NOT BE THE CASE. The only time a therapist or other healthcare provider is required to report suicidal or homicidal ideation is if there is a specific plan. I am deeply sorry to anyone who has ever experienced a therapist who acted otherwise. To the person above, I am not sure what your experience has been, but I promise you it is not a typical one, at least not in the area where I live (California). I have never heard of a “pink slip”, and I’ve worked with therapists for 5+ years.
Going to a therapist changed my life. I was able to open up and say “I think about suicide almost every day”, and for the first time in my life someone said “You don’t have to live like this.” She didn’t have me hospitalized, she didn’t raise any alarms. She gently asked me if I had a specific plan, and when I said no, she said “We are going to help you get better.”
YOUR THERAPIST ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT HAVE YOU HOSPITALIZED AT THE MERE MENTION OF SUICIDAL IDEATION.
If you say, “I’m going to kill myself tonight by overdose,” then yes, they are required by law to have you hospitalized. Otherwise it is THEIR JOB to help you process your feelings and find a way to help you function and feel better.
I cannot be more emphatic about this. Therapists, by and large, are here to help, not to hospitalize. If you have health insurance, contact them today to find out about your mental health coverage. Go to your general care doctor and tell them how you’re feeling so that they can refer you to the right person. If you don’t have health insurance, find a resource for a free/reduced fee clinic near you. Marriage and Family Therapist Interns are a great option, as they often see clients on a sliding fee scale. PLEASE GET HELP.
LISTEN TO ME: YOU CANNOT LEGALLY BE HOSPITALIZED AGAINST YOUR WILL FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION. FEAR OF HOSPITALIZATION SHOULD NOT STOP YOU FROM SEEKING HELP.
I understand that many people have hospital related trauma, and I understand, and sympathize. Talk to me. Send me a message. I will be happy to find you further information on laws and regulations in your area, referrals to other counseling centers, or even just listen to what you have to say.
I couldn’t in good conscience scroll past this without saying something. As someone who struggled with depression for much longer than I should have because of fear of seeking treatment, I want to encourage everyone, experiencing any degree of mental illness to get help. I will do anything I can to support those of you going through something like this. I’m here for you.
I literally talk to my therapist about suicidal ideation all the time and all she’s ever done is have me clarify that I wasn’t planning on acting on it. I’m tired of tumblr discouraging people from trusting mental health professionals.
To be honest a lot of therapist ESPECIALLY SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELORS/social workers cover their asses and ship you to the hospital for literally any bullshit reason. I once came back to school after being hospitalized. They asked me why. I said “for suicidal ideation.” They asked if I still had those thoughts. I said yes. They called my mom and made her get me clearance from a psychiatrist. They were ready to send me to be hospital over this.
I know it sounds silly but I would actually love a goth gf.
You know what I love? The blocking feature on Tumblr! It’s so handy!
I don’t have to see anything that I don’t want to see! People need to learn how to use tags and trigger warnings!
